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I'm Syaza.
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is this the real life?
Thursday, September 23, 2010, 2:14 AM

I can't help but look around me and see happy people. They're happy now, finally. But, I don't think I am though. God, this is tough. Everything I do now seems to be a bit detailed. I haven't been myself, that's for sure. I want to be happy. That's a lot to ask for, but that's all I want. Not money, not self-recognition, just happiness.

I try to pray five times a day, I try to force myself to go to school and make an effort for my future, I try to smile all the time, I try to make everybody feel good around me. But, I'm scared. I'm scared that I can't keep it going. My faith is deteriorating little by little. No, not my faith in God, but faith in myself. It's hard, you know. Trying to please everyone around you, knowing that you yourself are not pleased. And when I take time for myself, I hear people talk. And it's literally killing me, people.

I just want to be happy. That's all. But then, life's not supposed to be easy peasy.

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