As much as I hate talking about it, I can't help but wonder how life would be like if everything was different. If everything I have, I no longer own. If everything I know, I never knew again. If everything I ever wanted, I don't want at all. Would things be different? Would I be different?
I think it's safe to say how immensely terrified I am of the real world. I'm starting to fear the world we live in. The long-kept apprehensiveness is slowly creeping in again. You might be thinking, "Hey, what's there to fear?" News flash - everything around us is changing, and by everything, I mean everything. What if I can't handle it? What if I don't make the transition?
What if?
Those two words have been ringing in my head non-stop these past couple of days. Is it anxiety or is it reassurance? I don't know, maybe I'm just losing my mind. Maybe. Whatever it is, I don't like it. It's messing up my head. The things I never thought I would be worrying about, I worry about now. Why? Whyyyyyyyy would you want to mess with my head now? It's driving me insane!
I feel bipolar now. I'm happy, and then I'm sad. I get ecstatic, and then I feel miserable. I'm optimistic, and then I'm pessimistic. Happy, sad, happy, sad, happy, sad. It's just like my world turned black and white, and I'm constantly telling myself, "make up your damn mind, woman,". It's either one or the other. No middle ground, no shade. My life is turning into a never-ending roller coaster ride, and you know what's the worst part about it?
if not now, whenever
Wednesday, October 19, 2011, 12:10 AM
