I feel depressed. No, I feel happy. You know what, now I feel empty. Wait, now I feel whole.
All these mixed emotions, they're coming at me like bullets. I realized that I've been feeling this way an awful lot lately. Don't get me wrong, my life is finally turning out the way I would hope for it to be, but sometimes it all just feels....... wrong. Like I'm not supposed to have things go my way. Every time I try to be a little selfish so that I wouldn't feel like shit, I'd end up feeling like shit anyway. People just can't seem to give me a break, really. All they care about is their goddamn feelings.
Do you know what happens when I try to make things go the way I want it to? It backfires, terribly. I guess that's just how things work for one Nursyaza Nadzirah Binti Ahmad Marzuki. Oh well, things could go worst. Alhamdulillah, I still have a home, a family, food, clothes and other necessities in life. Though, sometimes I just wish I could run away, far far away from everybody I know and start a new life. Be a philanthropist or something, I don't know. I want to do good in the world, but how am I supposed to do that if I can't even get my life sorted out?
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Sunday, January 8, 2012, 12:59 AM