I'm feeling good today. Wanna know why, wanna know why, wanna know why? I don't know why! I just feel really really good today. It's almost as if God finally clicked the Reset button for me.
My dream last night kind of made me look at life in a different perspective now. I can see clearer, my mind's less messed up, I no longer wallow in a pool of my self pity - I feel genuinely fresh. This is exactly what I needed. It's exactly what I wanted as well. If you've been hanging out with me these past few months, you'll know exactly how sucky things have been for me. I'm pretty sure my friends are sick and tired of hearing me constantly bitch about it, and for that, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to make you guys feel down. I really didn't.
All my life, I've been keeping my problems to myself and bottling everything up that sometimes, I kind of just have mini outbursts and I sort of take it out on people. I know you guys tried to make me feel better but honestly, they don't work. My problems have to be dealt by me and only me. I honestly don't want to drag anybody down with me. I know some of you would like to help, but talking about it will probably destroy me, from the inside out.
Yesterday night was one of the worst nights of my life. I'm pretty sure what I had last night was an emotional breakdown. I should've seen that coming, right? Well, it was horrible. All I wanted was for everything to just go away. This morning, I woke up with a completely different mindset. I don't wanna just think about all the bad things that have happened to me. I want to enjoy all the little things, the good things. These past few months have been the worst, but also the best times of my life. It made me realise that it's not about forcing happiness, it's about not letting sadness win. Only God knows how truly grateful I am to have such amazing people in my life. They've truly been a godsend. Every single second I spend with you guys is the new 'best day of my life'. I know that sounds cliché as fuck, but it's true! We could just meet up for five minutes and I'll go home with a gigantic smile on my face.
All I wanna say is, thank you. I know a simple 'thank you' isn't enough, but that's honestly all I can afford to give you guys right now.