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with rue my heart is laden


After all we've been through -
    the whirlwind of
what seems stupid now
        was not so stupid then,

morphing slowly into the
monster I'd hide under
   my covers from on
       thunderstorm nights
& dark gloomy mornings:

Regret is its name.

So we meet again, old friend.

I haven't seen you since
that time I made my
     mother
             cry;

       Oh

   forgive me mother for
I have sinned a g a i n s t you -

You who provided shelter for
               nine months
   without asking me
for a penny of rent money,

you who gave me food, water,
         your voice
singing me to sleep.

And yet I've let you down,
   by going behind your back
       I've let
                you
                   down.

There was a time back then
when you last carried me
       & put me down,
only to never carry me
        in your arms
ever     again.

  And because of that,
I retaliated by crushing
         myself
into tiny little pieces
  of guilt
        and failure,

so that the Earth can
        swallow me into the
ground once more:

         to cleanse me of myself -

only so I can rise above again:

a Phoenix birthed from the
       a s h e s
          of my past,
to fly into the sky
           lit aflame with
     fiery wings of
       
hope and chance.