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I'm Syaza.
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life as we know it.
Monday, July 26, 2010, 12:32 AM


"I would just like to say, even with all this madness going around, you're still my friend, and I would like it for us to stay friends,"


My life has been a complete and utter whirlwind. Ups and downs, the goods and the bads, it's completely overwhelming to me. I'm still getting used to it, all these changes. Change is good, but not all the time. I would like for things to stay the same but still have changes, for the better, that is. I'm sixteen, heck I haven't even turned sixteen yet, but I've gone through so much in life, sometimes I feel like I'm going through it alone. But the fact of the matter is, I'm not alone. I have the love and support from my close ones. They're amazing. Honestly, they're the reason why I keep on living my life. I know this may sound corny, but without them, I am nothing.

I try to make it seem like everything is okay, but it's not actually. It's complicating. My life doesn't suck, it's just hard to understand. I have to tell you, sometimes I get so frustrated with myself that I don't think straight. I cry and cry and cry, thinking that it's the only thing I can do to make myself feel better. It's not. It just leaves me hanging on an emotional thread that's waiting to be cut. I shouldn't allow myself to be too vulnerable to the public. To the naked eye, I may seem like the typical emotional wreck, but I'm not. It's just something I do to make myself feel better. Well, to try and make myself feel better.

I shouldn't let some people stop me from living my life to the fullest. I live my life for myself, and myself only. My only goal is to be successful here in this world, and in the afterlife too.

InsyaAllah

Crying will only make me cry more, and cry more, and cry more until there are no more tears left for my eyes to exude. I am strong, but I am also vulnerable. Most people do not know that about me, and I don't blame them. Judging a person by their first impression has always been human nature, and I cannot stop that. I mean, how the hell am I supposed to stop six billion people from passing judgements? The answer is I can't. Pulling through is all I have left to do. Recuperate my strength and energy to continue living until one day, I fall and will never get back up again. I need a change. A good change.

As of right now, I'm revamping my life. Transform my life from something that I have now, into something better. Much, much better. Change is the only thing that can change the situation right now.

Wish me luck,

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