| universal trailblazer (more...)

Saturday, November 13, 2010, 10:44 PM

The school holidays are almost here. Three more days, to be exact. I can't wait for this school year to end. Seriously, I just want to get Form 4 done and over with. They say it's the 'honeymoon' year. Pfft, it sure as hell not! I'm actually eager to enter Form 5. I mean, I'll be seventeen next year. Fucking seventeen. That's pretty huge, if you ask me. The last year of school, me as a senior. This is all too weird, but exciting at the same time. Just imagine - me, a seventeen year-old, a senior. Sounds funny, but whatever.

2010 got off to a rocky start, then it kind of got easier, and then not so easy, and sometimes just plain fucking hard. I'm not really in the position to complain, so I'll just let it pass by. The year is ending in two months, and I might as well make the most of it. Even though it started off a little bit hard, I can always end the year with a bang, and celebrate the new year as a new person. While we're on the subject, I was reminiscing a while ago and I couldn't help but see that I've changed so much. I've grown so much, as a person. I'm not really the same person you knew back in '09. How do you say this, I, err... reinvented myself? For the better though, I hope. It's not easy leaving your past behind you. I've pretty much learned it the hard way... sort of.

I can't just say that I'm the only one who changed. Everybody I've once knew are gone now. They've all transitioned into other people. Some good, some bad, some I just don't recognize anymore. But hey, that's life, right? They come and go all the time. I should just care about those who came and never left. I mean, why wither when you can just move the fuck on? They're only human, can't really blame them for letting themselves get brainwashed by the world. Everybody change, not always for the better, but yes. They do. I can't really stop it, heck I can't even stop it from happening to myself. I appreciate it now though, I'm not the same person anymore. I kinda like the "new me". She seems fairly acceptable, I guess. What do you think?

Just to get everybody's attention, I am single, yes. And the truth is? I'm not in a rush to change that anytime soon. I'm not desperate to find a guy, I'm not hunting for one. I'm just going with the flow, see where life takes me. I couldn't help but think about how some of my friends think I'm actually, how do you say this, dying inside? Well, I'm not. Just mind your own fucking business. I love you guys to death, trust me, but you gotta let me breathe a little. I'm old enough to know what's right and what's wrong. I don't need people breathing down my neck 24/7. I really don't need anyone setting me up with anybody. I'm only sixteen, for crying out loud. My only priority right now is studying my ass off, pass SPM with flying colours, get a kick-ass scholarship, and then go to a decent college *cough* Taylor's *cough*.

Maybe after high school, just maybe. But I'm not just gonna get into a relationship just because people tell me to or because other people are already in relationships. I'm fine the way I am, thank you very much. I'll just do whatever it is that I'm doing. Living in the moment - that's pretty much my tag line from now on. I shouldn't be thinking too much about my future, it's literally driving me insane. Plus, I'd rather have a best friend than a boyfriend right now. It's less... complicated? Oh, and yes, to crush that god-awful, exasperating rumor once and for all - I am currently crushing on someone. I think. Seriously, everybody's got a crush on someone, right? And don't try to fish it out of me cause I ain't telling. I have a feeling it's gonna be short-lived, though. Because he's hung up on someone else (of course). Damn.

Come on people, I'm a realist, not a fucking robot.